His Divine Grace Çréla Bhakti Rakñaka Çrédhara Deva Goswämé Mahäräj
End of side A, start of side B, 20 th, 21 st.8.81
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : Gaura Hari bol! Nit äi Caitanya.
yadi gaura nä hoita , tabe ki hoita, kemone dharitäm de
rädhära mahimä , prema-rasa-sémä jagate jänäta ke
[madhura våndä vipina mädhuré praveça cäturé sära
baraja yuvaté bhävera bhakati çakati hoita kära ]
[Väsudeva Datta has said: "If Mahäprabhu had not appeared then how could we sustain our lives? How could we live? What type of ecstatic rasa has He imbibed that we have been able to have a little taste? Without this our lives would be impossible. Who else could take us to the acme of realisation of the position of Çrématé Rädhäräëé. She holds the highest position. She is the greatest victim to the consuming capacity of Çré Kåñëa. She stands as the greatest sacrifice before Kåñëa's infinite consuming power. Rasaräj-Mahäbhav - the rasa is there, and She is the drawer of that rasa from the storehouse. She has such negative capacity that She can draw out the rasa to the highest degree both in quality and quantity."]
At the [risk?] the zenith of çraddhä , how it can be wonderful that Gauräìga has taken it down. And you are getting a taste of it and thinking, 'If I could not have a chance of tasting such nectarine substance how could we live? One cannot live, one should not live without such things. When such things are existing, such degree of nectar existing, and if devoid of that in life it is most undesirable. Gauräìga has with His most intensified faith He has come down with a great thing…………………………………………? How I could live if I could not get a connection of such wonderful sweetness. Hare Kåñëa Hare Kåñëa.
Devotee : Who said this Mahäräj?
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : Väsudeva Datta.
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When after sannyäsa Mahäprabhu came to visit this Nadia, again Väsudeva put.
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The whole population of Nadia ran madly to have a glimpse of that Gauräìga of their former experience. They madly ran after Him.
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With so much sympathetic ecstasy they can't leave, they can't move. Very painfully they're making progress. The feeling has almost paralysed them…………………………………………………….?
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They thought, 'How long and [days passed away] that they're deceived such darçana of Gauräìga, the former of His students…………………………………………………………………………….?
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Their eyes were fixed on His dress and His limbs, so grossly they forgot themselves………………?
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And Çacé Devé when she heard that her Nimäi after sannyäsa, five years after, He has again come here to visit, she ran after and taking on her lap…………………………………………………?
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"You are a boy of my lap. You're so and so now."
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Her dead body has again got life. Something like that to Çacé Devé and other devotees.
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Väsudeva says, ["Then the search is the same when Gauräìga came to visit once again after His sannyäsa. ……………………………? all dead bodies were as if they got knew life and …………..?
What intensity of love has been expressed in his words of Väsudeva Ghosh.
Hare Kåñëa. Hare Kåñëa. Kåñëa Kåñëa. Like my stanza,
nyäsa-païca-varña-pürëa-janma-bhümi-darçanaà
koöi-koöi-loka-lubdha-mugdha-dåñöi-karñanam
koöi-kaëöha-kåñëa-näma-ghoña-bheditämvaraà
prema-dhäma-devam eva naumi gaura-sundaram
["When He returned to His birthplace, Nadia, after five long years of sannyäsa, millions of people rushed to see Him, feeling a most wonderful and irresistible love attraction. Deeply moved with eyes full of eagerness, they beheld their Lord who attracted their innermost heart of hearts. Excited by His ecstatic presence there arose a continuous tumultuous uproar that spread in all directions and pierced the sky. To please their beloved Gauräìga, the people's voices repeatedly resounded the Holy Names of Kåñëa. I sing with joy the unending glories of my golden Lord Gaurasundara, the beautiful divine abode of pure love."] [Prema-Dhäma-Deva-Stotram, 34]
When He came to this Koladwépa the actual happiness was such. Nitäi. Nitäi. When I read in Chaitanya-Bhägavata that Mahäprabhu when visited this Navadwépa after sannyäsa, five years passed, then people ran to see Him in such a mad way that so many jungles were all cleared, everywhere there is path, no jungle. The Ganges water filled up with human heads, all singing close by. None can even drown because four or five hands come to his relief. So freely the Ganges water accepts the human heads. And so many boats are also carrying so many children and old people. And so I thought how? But at the time of Gandhi, such a great throng I saw, then I thought that even to see Gandhi so many people may be attracted. Then how, what degree of attraction really was when Mahäprabhu came after His sannyäsa in Navadwépa. How, with what great degree of attraction when this Gandhi can attract people in such large numbers, because only for his ahimsa, and that is also to the political purpose. But for the highest purpose, the great and most intense dedication, that came as Mahäprabhu and how, what such high degree of attraction came here down. How mad the people were.
Gaura Hari bol! Gaura Hari bol! Gaura Hari bol! Gaura Hari bol! Nit äi. Nit äi Gaura Hari bol!
Devotee : ………………………………………………………………………………………………?
Devotee : Also Mahäräj, there's a verse by Prabodhänanda Sarasvaté
vaïcito 'smi vaïcito 'smi , vaïcito 'smi na saàçayaù
viçvaà gaura-rase magnaà , sparço 'pi mama näbhavat
[Çréla Prabodhänanda Saraswaté says: "Deceived, deceived, no doubt, deceived I am! The whole universe became flooded with love of Çré Gauräïga, but alas, my fate was not to get even the slightest touch of it."] [Caitanya-candrämåta, 46]
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : It is a plain thing. That is the very nature of the devotees. That is, as much conception of the infinite as you have, your insignificance to that degree you must feel within yourself. Do you follow? Am I clear?
Devotee : Yes.
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : The infinite conception, the question of relativity. When you can see a bigger thing then relatively you cannot but think that you are so very infinitesimal. Your look is for a great thing and in comparison to that you are smallest. Do you conceive this?
Devotee : Yes.
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : When you are seeing the ocean you see how tiny you are in relation to the great magnificent oceans of the world. You are very insignificant. Is it not?
Devotee : Yes.
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : So, that you apply in this case. One who is looking at a great thing whether in size, or knowledge, or love, when you are standing at the relativity of the verge of the great thing, in consideration of that you think that 'I am very poor, I am very meagre, low.'
jagäi mädhäi haite muïi se päpiñöha , puréñera kéöa haite muïi se laghiñöha
mora näma çune yei tära puëya kñaya , mora näma laya yei tära päpa haya
[I am more sinful than Jagäi and Madhäi and even lower than the worms in the stool. Anyone who hears my name loses the results of his pious activities. Anyone who utters my name becomes sinful.] [Caitanya-caritämåta, Ädé-lélä, 5.205-6]
[Kåñëadäsa] Kaviräja Goswämé himself says for him, 'that I feel me when I have seen so much pure and higher grace, in comparison to that what is this.'
Mahäprabhu says, prana pakandita? "I am an insect. My life is like an insect. I'm going on with it."
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[sweet law?] and naturally [the other portion?] I see before me, shed, and I am not getting even a drop of it. I'm so unqualified. Why? I am a hypocrite. I really do not want, not that I don't deserve, I don't want it. My life is unfulfilled, unfulfilled. I have come near such a vast and beautiful thing and I am not allowed to touch even, to get even a drop of it. I am so low, so unqualified. Why? Because I am a hypocrite."
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"Still I think that I am great. I'm a big thing, pratiñöhä ."
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"Even at this plane I can't leave My vanity, false vanity."
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"I want to display that I have a great achievement of Kåñëa-prema and I am shedding tears for that and this is not real shedding." (kapat?) "Still I am addicted to My lower self, self-centred, self-centring is not being dissolved. Still I am self-centred. I am a seeker of My own fame. So I am not being allowed to partake into that ocean of nectar."
So in that relativity they cannot but see themselves meanest of the mean. As much as coming in connection with the higher reality, consciousness of higher reality, then relatively they are compelled to think themselves the meanest of the mean. That is the truth. That is the law of nature. So devotees of the higher order they are seen always to show that everyone is getting the chance but I do not get the chance. I cannot avail myself for getting this position.
Narottama Öhäkura, " Jagäi Mädhäi, up to the standard of Jagäi Mädhäi culprit, what standard of the culprit Jagäi Mädhäi? They are getting relief, they're getting the nectar, and only I Narottama am outside. I can't touch the thing."
The nature of the appreciation of the high makes himself to think to be in the lower position. That we find from the practices and sayings of the great men. That is the question of tåëäd api sunécena, taror api sahiñëunä, and without that, that is a qualification also, if we do not have that sort of qualification that is the earth. Of course earth means not artificial. If we are not ready to feel ourselves lower we cannot come in connection with the higher.
tåëäd api sunécena , taror api sahiñëunä
amäninä mänadena , kértanéyaù sadä hariù
["One who is humbler than a blade of grass, more forbearing than a tree, who gives due honour to others without desiring it for himself is qualified to always chant the Holy Name of Kåñëa."]
[Çikñäñöakam, 3]
Your attitude for the search will be such, that you are almost unfit in the search for where you want to go, want to begin. So unqualified you are. This is the qualification for the finite to approach the infinite. If you feel that you are something that is a disqualification in your search after infinite. In other words it is such.
tåëäd api sunécena , taror api sahiñëunä , amäninä mänadena, kértanéyaù sadä hariù
You will take the name of the Lord, divine sound, but the process is such, you must be mindful to that. Otherwise your search will be in vain. Your attempt will be lost. What will be the attitude? Tåëäd api sunécena, the meanest of the mean, to think you're humblest of the humble, and sincerely. Taror api sahiñëunä, your forbearance must not have any limits. 'That so many days, so many ages I have past. I don't get.' Be sure that you have come to search infinite, so no time limit, ha, ha, and no vanity, that you will make master over that thing. This [salvation?] must be given up in the beginning. Amäninä mänadena, your highest enemy is your self-seeking nature, that you are something, you have got some greatness in you. That sort of vanity must be left out. Amäninä, you must not seek any honour to you, no reward, amäninä. Mänadena, at the same time you must be modest in your dealings to all others, then your amäninä will be genuine. If you do not like to give the honour to others then your self-seeking will be there, it will be traceable. But when you give honour to others but don't want it within you, then you will be qualified to make search after Govindam, to the Centre, the Absolute. Then a qualified student if you can give up all these bad prejudices, these unfavourable prejudices, if you come to search after the Absolute then you must have such qualification, otherwise you'll fail. So, we find that the great devotees they're always condemning themselves like anything, extremely, what we cannot conceive even of, for ordinary persons.
Puréñera kéöa haite muïi se laghiñöha , Kaviräja Goswämé who is the giver of the highest conception of the truth, he says, puréñera kéöa haite muïi se laghiñöha, "I am worse than the worm in the stool." Jagäi mädhäi haite muïi se päpiñöha, Jagäi and Mädhäi in the case relativity of Mahäprabhu, they have been considered to be the worst sinners. I am more than that. My sins are so graphic I may not be engaged. Mora näma laya yei tära päpa haya, I'm such a great sinner that whoever will hear about me, the dirt, the sin will enter into him, in the relativity of my name. I'm such a great sinner. My sin is with my name also and the one who once hears my name, the sin will enter into him, yei tära päpa haya. And tära puëya kñaya, his good qualities will vanish. And mora näma laya yei, if anyone positively takes my name then he will commit sin. Such a worse type of person I am. But, the grace of Nityänanda Prabhu possesses such a high degree of disinfection that He has taken me to Våndävana and has given the relationship of Rüpa, Raghunätha, Govinda, all these things He has given. Nothing in me but all in Nityänanda Prabhu."
And by this he wants to express his highest gratitude to Nityänanda Prabhu. "It is shameful to speak about one's own life, but still I do it. Why? If I do not do that then I shall be ungrateful to the great magnanimity of Nityänanda Prabhu. So fallen am I and Nityänanda Prabhu has given me all these things, the Våndävana, Rüpa, Sanätana, then this Govinda, Mahäprabhu, all these things, Raghunätha Däsa. It is all gift of Nityänanda, unconditional gift. I've no qualification, so I mention, yes I have got. If I do not do so, then be an offender to Nityänanda Prabhu's grace, so I am compelled to say, confess that I am so sinful and fallen but by His grace I have received these things."
Sparço 'pi mama näbhavat , ["It is there. I can see and feel that it is there but I am deprived], Prabhodänanda Saraswaté, all these, they're all of such common feelings, conceptions. "It is there. I see I feel, so many persons are looting but I am deprived, I am deprived."
Rädhäräëé Herself says: "Kåñëa is qualified in every way. I can't blame Him in any way. Still He is so cruel to us all. He left Våndävana. We are all feeling extreme pain. This is My durddaiva-viläsa [pastime of separation.] I cannot accuse Him in any way."
This is union in separation.
bahye viñajväla haya, bhitare änandamäya , [ kåñëa premara adbhuta carite ]
["The wonderful characteristic of divine love of Kåñëa is that although externally, it works like fiery lava, internally it is like sweet nectar that fills the heart with the greatest joy."]
[Caitanya-caritämåta, Madhya- lélä , 2.50]
It is a peculiar type of achievement when who has got the thing says, "No, I have not got." This is the special characteristic of the Infinite. One who has got possession of it he says, "No, I have got nothing." The characteristic of Infinite is such. And when he says that, "I have got." He has not got. It is such, because it is a statement from the negative for the Positive. The negative cannot assert at all but can attract only, negative. Assertion is with the Positive only. So the negative can hanker, he can express his own reality in the negative characteristic, and degree of want. The measurement just the opposite, minus, the measurement is in the negative side, minus, the depth of negative, depth of attraction, but not of gain. Positive can only assert that "I am purer."
Devotee : Wonderful, such a beautiful land.
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : Yes. Hare Kåñëa. But your big attraction is to search all these things out, the negative - positive. This has come to my mind some few days back. This must be explained in the present land as a sound.
Devotees : Yes. So Mahäräj, it's one thing for those personalities as Kaviräja Goswämé to make these statements, but for men like ourselves, ha, ha, we actually are like that, ha, ha, ha.
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : That will be our standard in the front, the ideal, that will be our Guru Mahäräj. But we must not assume that ‘I am Kaviräja Goswämé’.
Devotees : Ha, ha, ha.
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : That is another type also, in Caitanya-Bhägavat. Våndävana däsa he is praying, he's trying his utmost to describe the greatness of Mahäprabhu, magnanimity of Mahäprabhu and Nityänanda. Then he says, "After appealing to the people at large in such a modest way I am putting to them. Like I touch your feet, I hold your feet. You please come and associate."………………………………………………..…………………………………………….?
After so much appeal, fervent appeal, asks them, requests them to appreciate, for appreciation of Gaura-Nityänanda. "Do it, it will be your benefit. Whatever any position you are, whatever class of sinner you are, you please, you try to come. Connect with Gaura-Nityänanda. You'll be blessed, you'll be saved, you whole hankering will be fulfilled." Still, after so much entreat and appeal, if anyone wants to leave, criticise and blame Nityänanda and Gauräìga, I want to kick on his head."
This is also a peculiar sentiment coming in the heart of the devotees.
Devotees : Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : And how to explain that? That so many superficial critics they're saying, "Kaviräja Goswämé has appealed in such a modest way, and this Våndävana däsa he has such vanity, his vanity is so much. He's so proud he wants to kick the head of those who do not have faith in Gaura-Nityänanda, 'they're most impertinent,' all these things."
But when I came to Gauòéya Maöh I heard a peculiar explanation from Prabhupäda [Bhaktisiddhänta Saraswaté Öhäkura]. Prabhupäda told that the most sinful adherents, Nityänanda Prabhu has come to their relief, by this statement. Do you follow? By this expression, now he has got no other way but to fly away, to come to the divinity. Nityänanda Prabhu has opened the way to that. By his punishment, Kåñëa's special attraction will be drawn towards them. "That My child has beat him, or damaged him so," and gives some grace. Am I clear, no? Kåñëa's attraction will be there because His child, His devotee has done something wrong, apparently, so He'll come to compensate for that.
So His play in the fashion, taking the part, mildly, and also beating, punishment, if punishment is given by His devotees to a public man, Kåñëa's special attention will be drawn to that man to compensate in the way of concentration, and he'll be benefited. He has tolerated. Våndävana has given punishment, dishonoured them, they're mortified. So they must be taken in, some special case it comes. So by this statement Våndävana has opened, to the worst, the gainer also, the door to enter into Kåñëaloka. That sort of impression he got from, from the standpoint there cannot be any sinful thing in the devotee, whatever they do. By that way they get some connection with Kåñëa. Some connection is established. When mother, ultimately ………………………………………….?
When mother chastises her child, then child may cry, then mother may come and take him on the lap. So no permanent apathy of jealousy or any spirit of revolting that type, in any way she wants to take him. That does not mean that [real thing will offend the devotee]……….…………………….?
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Devotee : … you were taking rice and some neem leaves cooked and…
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : Twenty-three.
Devotee : At the age of twenty-three.
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : Austerity I observed too much.
Devotee : So that was very much surprising to Dhira Kåñëa Mahäräj and myself…
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : Ha, ha.
Devotee : … that…
Devotee : …………………………………………………………………?
Devotee : We would like to hear from you Mahäräj how that Nityänanda Prabhu has actually asked you to come and initiate here.
Çréla B.R. Çrédhara Swämé : After Väsudeva Prabhu I was asked by some bigger members of our mission to the position of äcärya. But from the beginning I had no such impression from within, inspiration. But when he left the mission I came to stay alone, there was always some sort of hesitation in me, that Guru Mahäräj did not like nirjan bhajan, the separate life. He liked kértana, sanga. And if I live in a sanga that means I preach, then many newcomers will join. And who will go to initiate? They asked me to take charge of initiation but I did not feel any inner inspiration for that. So anyhow, I was passing my time. What to do? I do not feel any urge for that.
Then when from Våndävana I came to take my permanent residence here, this aparädha-bhaïjan-päö [the place where all offences of those who surrender are forgiven] Koladwépa. Then I thought that I am going to take my shelter in Navadwépa Dhäma permanently, but Dhämeçvara is Nityänanda Prabhu. I must visit His birthplace, then to Mahäprabhu's birthplace, but before that I must go to Nityänanda Prabhu's birthplace, that is Ekacäkrä…………….? and beg His permission. So that if He's propitiated then I will be, possibly, live in the Dhäma there, to save me. Otherwise it will not be possible, impossible. So, I stayed………….? before I came here I went to Nityänanda Prabhu's birthplace. And whenever I fell there with that prayer 'that You are Patita Pavana, Saviour of the Fallen, and I crave Your mercy, and You grant my stay in that permanently I may have my shelter there in Navadwépa Dhäma, in Koladwépa, in this portion I ask. Already fixed, Gupta-Govardhana. I fell flat and it was clear, at once some urge came in my mind, "You seek, pray before the grace of Nityänanda Prabhu as Patita Pavana but you are apathetic to patita. How can you hope His sympathy?" So this suddenly sprang in my mind. "Nityänanda Prabhu is Patita Pavana but you do not like to extend your helping hand to others. So how can you expect His grace, His mercy?" That sort of strong impression came in my mind. Anyhow I could petition to Him and came here. And our Prabhupäda's nature is always pressing me. He's against nirjjana-bhajana [the separate practising life], but I am going to do that.
Anyhow, I came here, and by ………………. monthly rent I took one room here, nearby, and stayed there. Daytime I began to read the çastra, scripture, and from evening I used to take the Name, one lakhsa nama. And after it is finished I went to bed. And only once I cook something and [I could liberate me?] from Våndävana, only a small [coin? cooking?] I took in place in the room and I used to offer [Him?] daytime and took for prasädam, and the evening something or other ………………… In this way I was passing my days. I came unknown in this place, but gradually my Godbrothers searched for me and found out my place, and began to come now and then. And some began to stay with me, don't want to go. In this way I passed some time.
At that time also when going through the books of Jéva Goswämé I found that he has written that those that have money but do not spend it for the Lord, he's vittha-çäthya. And so, those that know something, have some knowledge, some experience about bhakti and Kåñëa and His devotees, if they do not like to help others they're jïäna-çäthya, they commit jïäna-çäthya.
At the same time, I had from memory of my early days that in a story of Puräëa it was mentioned that one brähmaëa, big scholar, but he did not help others, or give others his, he did not give education to anyone. So in the next life he was a mango tree and so many beautiful fruits all over the tree, but not even a bird taking that, not touching, untouched. Then, one who saw in the way to that, Anantadeva, he asked this question. "What is this?" Another here also, he was a great pandit ……..
End of recording, 20th, 21st Aug 81
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